Posts Tagged ‘ schizophrenia ’

fragment of a hallucination


English: 50s Style Movie Thearter

English: 50s Style Movie Thearter (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

From an old blog post:

21 November 2007

In the summer of 2004, I was living in a boarding house on the West side of Phoenix and getting my medication for my Schizoaffective Disorder from the State of Arizona.  I was taking Zyprexa at the time and managing okay but for some reason my doctor decided to switch me to Abilify and step me down off the Zyprexa.

When I went to my pharmacy to fill the lower dosage of Zyprexa, my insurance refused to pay for the stepped down prescription and I had only the Abilify to rely on which would take weeks to get into my system.  In effect, I went cold turkey on my Anti-Psychotic medication and within a few days I went into several days of full-blown hallucinations.  I will share with you the beginning period of this 4 day Odyssey.

I was sitting on the edge of my mattress when all of a sudden I found myself in a hallucination where I was visiting a movie theater in the middle of the night on a planet orbiting a star several light years from our sun.  I could vaguely remember driving there in my beat up Dodge Intrepid, a journey on some transgalactic highway that took me some 7.5 billion years.

When I arrived at the movie theater, the place was empty except for two young children who were managing the place, a brother and sister, who looked to be somewhere between 9 and 12 years old.  I asked them what they were doing working at a theater on a school night and demanded to speak to their mother.  They hurried off and in a couple minutes a plumpish brunette woman came out and greeted me and asked me what I wanted.

I explained to her that I had just arrived there from another planet and hadn’t had a sip of water in 7.5 billion years and she directed me towards the drinking fountain.  I didn’t scold her for having her kids working the movie theater as I didn’t know what the customs were on this planet.  Maybe the children were homeschooled or had lessons downloaded directly into their brains?  I went to the drinking fountain and eagerly sipped the water for several minutes.  I could feel it filling every cell in my body.

When I was done, I asked the mother if I could rest in the movie theater and possibly see a movie and she directed me toward a turnstile.  I punched in a code and walked through when another turnstile popped up and locked around my hips.  The mother was standing directly in front of me.  She pressed some buttons and I could feel the sperm being drained from my testicles, which was quite unexpected though not entirely unpleasant.  Tricky planet, I thought.

I punched a few buttons of my own on the turnstile and the mother found herself in a hiplock of her own, although I really didn’t care to take any egg samples from her, I just wanted to show her I knew what was what.  She punched a couple more buttons and released me and I walked toward the area of the theaters.  I didn’t really look around to see what movies were playing, nor did I care.  I just wanted to rest.

As I went to enter the theater area, a console popped up and asked me to log in.  I logged in with my nickname at the time, The Original Trickster.  That’s when all hell broke loose.  What appeared to be between 50 or 60 Jedi warriors came streaming out of the theaters in full battle garb and began to draw their light sabers.  I had no weapon but my mind.  The Jedi looked at me and started to do something very curious.  Rather than face me in battle, they began to take their light sabers and try to cut their own heads off.

But they weren’t able to because I was controlling all their actions with my mind.  I spoke to them.  I said, “Put down your weapons and I won’t kill you!” but still they kept trying to cut their own heads off.  I was still controlling their light sabers so I said, “Let me put down your weapons and I won’t kill you!”  Upon uttering these words, the entire troupe of Jedi warriors simply disappeared.  I was left in the movie theater with the mother and a small assembly of curious onlookers who had come out of the movies they had been watching.

I spent quite a bit more time in this movie theater during my hallucination but I will save that.

Conversation with a baby wolf spider


English: Female Wolf spider carrying her young...

English: Female Wolf spider carrying her young. Pictured in the sand in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania. Français : Une araignée de la famille des Lycosidae transportant ses petits. Photo prise à Dar es Salaam, en Tanzanie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

This is an old blog post from some crazy days on Myspace

 

13 October 2007

Things talk to me. Plants, trees, traffic lights, all sorts
of things. Not all of them mind you, most of them just choose
to ignore me. But I find that most of the ones I strike up a
conversation with have the courtesy to at least reply. Even if
it’s just to tell me, “F*ck off! I’m busy!”

I was just now sitting on my front porch smoking a cigarette
when I noticed a baby wolf spider perched on the white square
column across from where I was sitting. Now I love spiders of
all kinds and have had conversations with a few in my day so I
thought I would engage the little fellow in a little banter.

I walked to the pillar to get a closer look at the baby wolf
spider and issued him a greeting. I said, “Hey there! You’re
just a little baby! How are you doing?” I received no reply.
So I said, “Oh, you’re still very young. Do you know how to
speak?”

The baby wolf spider replied, “I know some words.” I was
delighted. I had made a friend.

I said, “Tell me a word.”

The spider said, “Foolishness!”

I replied, “That’s a mighty big word for such a small spider.
Do you know any others?”

The spider hesitated for a moment and then shouted,
“Jocularity!”

I replied, “Oh, how wonderful! You saw that episode of M*A*S*H
too? I better leave you alone. Thank you for your time.”

I knew the spider was busy hunting and he had already given me
enough material for this blog post so I walked back to where I
was smoking, put out my cigarette, and walked inside my house to
share my experience with you.

The world we live in is a magical place full of wonderful beings
and some of them are even human. Take the time to listen to
those tiny voices that are clamoring for your attention, you
might be surprised and delighted at what you hear.

If you can’t hear the voices of the silence then I pity you.
But there is something you can do about it! Strike up a
conversation with anything that catches your attention. You may
receive a reply and find yourself engaged in a wonderful
conversation. There’s no need to be lonely while there are so
many beautiful souls surrounding you.

Peace

 

Note to Self #8


Photograph of two Eggo's toaster waffles with ...

Photograph of two Eggo's toaster waffles with maple syrup. Afrikaans: Wafels met esdoringstroop. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

i remember that day now…  pretty trippy…  i had been off my psych meds for 3 months

Note to Self #8

love has no logic but the freedom of expression…
does a book have dreams of taking naps
in a quiet library?
or being adapted/adopted in a book store?

or is an easily suggestible digestive system
good for the solar system?

I love the smell of napalm
on your pancakes or maybe
some nuclear/unclear maple syrup…

but Big Al drew a stinky
and the cyanitrous wouldn’t feel good there
so Anna kindly gave me ten for nine
and rendered unto Ceasar Salad.

As a reconfigured veteran
of the psychic imagination game
i like to go where I can feel the love…

I do love zippers
on marshmallow pants
and sprinkling the bamboo jungle
in my friend’s gardens
cause it smiles back with rainbows!

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