Posts Tagged ‘ hamster ’

Lay off my quadrant, Gumbytron!

Una hembra de hamster ruso

Una hembra de hamster ruso (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


The Jehovanator had gotten pretty up tight over the millenia, having been confined to this backwater sector of a minor Galaxy.  He especially didn’t like other gods muscling in on his territory.  He had pressed the “smite” button on the followers of a few minor gods who were trying to get a foothold in his franchise on more than one occasion.


This Gumbytron was gonna be a problem though. She was insidious. She would do stuff for Beings she had no hand in creating and not expect anything in return. He looked at it as a sort of “loss leader.” You know give out some free stuff until you can get your foothold in a market, then when they’re hooked, hit them with the worship and sacrifice shtick. He had seen it before.


But, the Jehovanator had completely misread Gumbytron’s intentions.  Her mission with the Hamster planet of Snadragon had taught her a few things about sentient beings.  She had watched the fear that the human population lived in from their designated god.  That the people of the planet still found joy in their existence was a tribute to the human spirit and not a reflection of anything the Jehovanator had done for the local population.


The cycle for one small planet in the sector presented an opening for Gumbytron.  Earth had been sequestered since the end of the last ice age with a probability randomizer and was unable to send or receive signals to any of the other populated planets in the sector.  Because of this, most of the humans sincerely believed that they were alone in the cosmos and that maybe the info the Jehovanator had planted with his pyrotechnics and smiting was all there was to know about human history.   The randomizer had start losing its phase response in the year 1994 of the major Earth Calendar and people were already plotting transdimensional grids in a few of the larger Earth settlements.


The phase response fluctuations would come and go but were fairly predictable.  Gumbytron had sent Agnew to Earth in 1963 to prepare a transition point for the Hamster People so they could open trade negotiations with the aboriginal peoples of the planet.  There were of course many alien seeded species on the planet that would have to be avoided.  They usually had agendas that were contrary to hamster principles.


Gumbytron had taught the hamsters of Snadragon many things that the Jehovanator had withheld from his created beings.  She knew that once she had lifted a spirit from the vacuum of non-existence there were really only two ways to control its ultimate destiny.  Through love or through fear.  The path of love would, of course, create beings of infinite potential that would learn that their bodies were merely a tool for the expression of the great Spirit on the lowest plane of existence.   The teachings she passed on to the hamsters through her many incarnations empowered them to teach their offspring that more could be achieved with cooperation than with competition.


Not that competition was useless, but that because of the transitory nature of the physical vessel, more could be achieved by the accumulation of wisdom than by the keeping of secrets.  New insights that even Gumbytron was surprised by were constantly being revealed in the woven mythos of Snadragon.


to be continued



Hippie Eupocalypse – T – 32 Hours

Hamster fishing

Hamster fishing (Photo credit: The Shifted Librarian)


This may be the last time I write in a human form.
The day of the Hamster Ascension is upon us and when
you see me next I may be a 400 pound white hamster.
I eat crackers, not because I have to but because I
like them.

We are entering a 3 day randomization wave that will
cause many hierarchies to shuffle and you may find
yourself reading meters for Columbia Gas in a suburb
of Columbus, Ohio.  Or find that you’ve turned into
a FOOD – LODGING exit sign on the highhway.

I howver planned ahead and asked Gumbytron for
intercession that I become a 400 pound white hamster.


All universal IP addresses have been logged prior to
the randomozation, and if you can’t handle your new
assignement, you can follow the tinmeline you were
on for a small monthly fee which will be added to
your cable bill.

Those wishing to continue on with the new protocol
will have the opportunity to see what the new
technology brought to you by Burnt Hamster is
really capable of.

Set you sights on hyperevolutionary transformations!


what do you call a man?
who doesn’t breathe in what he believes?
what do you call a woman?
whose days are spent with timely thieves?

what are we doing?
writing all this nonsense
none will read,
and those who do
have agendas of their own

i have an agenda
a simple one
leave me and mine alone
we have no quarrel with you
no matter how we disagree

your system breeds more of us
than it can imprison
or kill in pointless wars
you can’t poison our babies with your GMOs
cause we are getting wise to who and what you are

so pick a spot
how many of you are there?
i think not as many as you would like to believe
you’ll find yourselves on an island
gold to make the Inca drool
but who will do your bidding now?


Sunday compressed

the hamster was not made for Sunday
ImageSunday was made for the hamster

wake up with dreams of Snadragon
fading in the noonday sun
foggy memories that haunt the waking hours

do a quick check of all systems:
body, check
vision, check
imagination, check
serenity, check

drink a glass of water
stretch, stretch, s-t-r-e-t-c-h

another day, another Sunday…
another gift from Gumbytron

so many hamsters worshipping their football
sit and worship briefly
bless the forward pass

take the hrududu to marionkind
on a sunny afternoon
hamster paws serenely holding the wheel
there’s always a wheel somewhere with hamsters

a familiar road
under November skies
the King’s taxes well spent

mad Mike is out on his bike
and Father Time is assembled in his usual spot
flipping his remote between football and murdering shows

let’s go to Pittsburgh!

and do what?

you’re right

the perpetrator
the crumbhunter
the shiteater
his hind legs aren’t always cooperating these days
and the fur on his back is sparse

he’s begun to expect a Slim Jim
so we walk to the store down the street

time for the smoky communion
pauses in the thread of conversation
considering the thoughtsicles
that crust up in the imagination

floating back to the galleon
to take my place among the galley hamsters
push button-get reward
our only motivation
push button-get ignored
our state of stasis

no response from the ethers
no pushbutton validation
string a few syllables together for no one
in particular

the point of making a point in pointlessness

sit beside the traffic
smoking a cigarette
as the breath clouds up the night
content with something
content with something


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